


Breathing Underwater

by renjunsecret



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Jeno helps him, M/M, Noren is soft uwu, Renjun's past is depressing but not that depressing, This is a safe story no smut because i can't imagine noren like that, hi my first fic pls be nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjunsecret/pseuds/renjunsecret
Summary: “You know,” Jeno cleared his throat, “The day of our first swimming lesson?”I looked up from my moomin chocoduluxe, licking ice cream off my lips, nodding my head, signalling him to continue.“You said,” He blushed, “That our—’” Jeno brushed his hair into his eyes, “o-our,” he scratched his elbow, “o-our kiss was, um, i mean it was technically not really a kiss, because it was on the neck, b-but,” Jeno continued, softly, “you said it was nothing—”When I heard that, I froze.“Was it really nothing?” He gently whispered.Jeno was like a lifebuoy, saving Renjun from his depressing past with the help of some ice cream (which they both enjoy—too much) and swimming lessons (hmm, I wonder…). Both of them spend time together and of course, just like every other Love story… They fall in Love. Realizing that they can’t hide their feelings for each other for long, it leaves them breathless and… they’ll have to rise to the surface eventually one day.
Relationships: JenRen - Relationship, Noren - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28
Collections: noren fic fest round 1





	Breathing Underwater

**Author's Note:**

> NoRen Fic Fest prompt # 020
> 
> Um. Hello. This is my first time everrrr writing a fan fiction. So... this fic is just mostly NoRen being... NoRen. My fic is kind of short (it is short for a fic...right?) and there might be plot holes/grammar/spelling errors here and there but i still hope you enjoy it!

“When life gets you down do you  
know what you gotta do?  
Just keep swimming,  
Just keep swimming.”

—Dory, Finding Nemo

( ᵔᴥᵔ )

The sunshine was shining through my bones, it’s heat radiating outwards into the bright day. Though dressed in a thin shirt and shorts, it’s as if I was on fire, and it was unbelievably sweltering. People around me chatted happily, their mouths never closed for more than a second, and I wondered how their aura could be so happy on this hot summer afternoon. 

“Renjun! What are you thinking about?” Haechan, my roommate, exclaimed dramatically (as usual). Haechan was the other person I was sharing the very tiny rented apartment with, and it was his idea that caused us both to be drenched in sweat under the shower of fire this fine afternoon. I was new around this place, thus Haechan decided to bring me to the neighbourhood ice cream parlour just around the corner, to ‘gain more insights’. Though, ice cream doesn’t sound too bad to have on this sick and stuffy day. 

“I was just thinking who dragged us out here to be caught in such hot weather,” I replied, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms. 

Haechan scoffed, and stated “Well, I clearly wasn’t the one craving for ice cream. I was just trying to be nice, you know, showing you around here since you’re new,” he paused and sighed dramatically “but, we can always go back to the apartment…”

“Nooo! I was just kidding, you know that Hyuck!” 

Haechan had insisted I call him by his “actual” name— Donghyuck, or in short, Hyuck. I got to know Haechan (or Hyuck) for only a day, but we grew pretty close over the measly hours that we spent knowing more about each other back in the apartment. Haechan was of the same age as me, and we go to the same school, which was probably the reason why we clicked so well. I was relieved to be able to make a friend so fast. 

“Anyway, too late. We're already here.” 

Both of us stepped into the ice cream parlour, and god, was it beautiful. Small fairy lights hung on the ceiling, blinking in colours of pink and purple. Circle tables were all over the parlour, with elegant roses in the middle of each. There were a handful of customers today, and tables were half occupied. A pleasant chatter sung as I entered the parlour, and the mouth-watering sweetness of warm waffles drowned in honey wifted into my nostrils. Suddenly, the fatigue and heat I felt a minute ago disappeared right before me. This must be heaven (what else could it be?). 

Haechan led me to the counter, where all the ice cream was sitting comfortably in. He yapped about how there were a limitless amount of ice cream flavours here, and something about how he had a friend who worked here. I was too busy deciding what ice cream flavour I should get to listen to whatever he had to say now. Ice cream, after all, is a priority, right?

I stood with my hands pressed against the chilled glass like sea stars. If there had been three choices I would have picked one in no time, but the array of flavours I could get, put my mind into a happy tingle of possibilities—Cookies and Cream, Mango Cranberry or Blueberry crunch? I never knew choosing a flavour could be so hard. Then again, I never really had a choice, did I? Maybe I should just stick to plain ol’ vanilla, the only flavour I always had. Bad memories that I thought I’d locked in my brain came rushing back. 

Daddy! Daddy! I got my vanilla ice cream— 

Tears pricked at the back of my eyes.

“Renjun! What’s taking you so long?” A voice erupted, interrupting my thoughts. 

Haechan placed his hands on his hips, and stared at me with a smile on his face, proceeding to say, “Never knew you’re such a picky ice cream chooser!”

I laughed and inhaled a breath of air, glad that I didn’t tear up. Right now, I just wanted to focus on my life, my new life. And, it’s off to a great start (I hope). 

“I am a picky ice cream chooser. Too bad,” I comebacked, “But, on a serious note, should I get Cookies and Cream, Mango Cranberry or Blueberry crunch?”

Silence filled the air. Then, 

“Chocolate” 

“Well, that wasn’t even in my choi—” 

Wait. That voice didn't belong to Haechan. It was too deep to be his. 

I looked around curiously, and, oh boy, my eyes locked with another pair of brown ones. They looked like chocolate orbs. He seemed like the one who called out the flavour I didn’t even ask for, because he had a guilty look on his face. The boy’s eyes were shaped like crescents (which made him so cute) as he let out a low giggle. 

My heartbeat quickened. 

“Ah Renjun, you look confused as fuck,” Haechan laughed out, “Never thought I’d see the day where your eyes opened so wide. Heck. I didn’t even know you opened those—” I didn’t let him continue that sentence. I placed both of my hands around his neck and pretended to strangle him. He fought back by shaping his hands into chopsticks and zapping my waist. I uncontrollably let go of my hands around his neck, giggling and shaking my head, hoping Haechan would stop. Damn it, one day knowing each other and he already knew my weakness. 

Then, 

“Haechan, why didn’t you tell me you got such a cute boyfriend?” 

Haechan and I paused immediately, and looked at the (chocolate) boy. Then looked back at each other, and then at our hands around each other. 

We immediately scooted away from each other, eyes opening as wide as the oceans. All I could think of in my head was the fact that the (chocolate) boy called me cute. He (the cutie) called me cute. Holy cow. 

“AH no no no, Jeno, NO!” Haechen screamed. He placed his hands on both sides of the boy’s shoulders and shook him powerfully, so powerful that his jet black hair swished around smoothly (gorgeously). While Haechan fought with the boy, I noticed that the boy had a rainbow waist-tight apron on, which accented his beautiful waist line and figure. Why would such a cute (and handsome) boy work here, when he could easily be working on a runway? 

Oh my god Renjun. Stop. You’ve literally known him for 2 seconds and you’re already swooning and infatuating for him. Heck, you don’t even know his name.

“Huang Renjun! Stop spacing out! Get your ice cream flavour and let’s go back!” Haechan yelled at me while heading for the doors of the parlour. 

“H-hey, wait, I haven’t even chosen or paid—”

“Here. On the house.” 

I looked up, and saw the (chocolate) boy from earlier pass me a scoop of ice cream (chocolate, of course). He was still smiling his adorable crescent eye smile (which I decided, I love) while doing so. He looked like he really stepped out from a supermodel magazine. Is this some sort of dream or prank? 

I hesitantly took the ice cream from his hands, staring at him unsurely.

He must’ve sensed my unsureness, because the next thing he said was, “Don’t worry. Hyuck’s my friend, and since you’re Hyuck’s friend, you’re also technically my friend too, and friends offer ice cream to each other for free, don’t they?” 

Do they?

I took the ice cream from his hands and thanked him quietly. I hated that my mouth was always glued shut when it came to talking to people I’m not familiar with. I wanted to say something and not make a fool of myself, but I just couldn’t. 

“Haha, no problem. I’m Lee Jeno, you are… Renjun. Huang. Right?” 

How did he know? Was he stalking me? 

I curiously eyed him, looking into his oh-so-gorgeous black eyes. His eyes were the deepest shade of the richest earth as if spreading throughout the black expanse of this amazing universe, made out of atoms from the brilliant stars. I was still suspicious of him though. 

Seeing my (suspicious) face, he then continued, “Sorry, Haechan was talking so loudly to you, everyone probably would’ve heard your name if they paid attention.” 

Hmm. Makes sense. 

Damn you Haechan, because of you I couldn’t introduce myself to (chocolate) boy aka Lee Jeno. AKA the cute hottie in front of my face. 

I took a bite of my ice cream and nodded, trying to seem calm and collected (am not). 

“Take care, Lee Jeno.” I said, preparing to leave the parlour to join Haechan (if he hadn’t gone back without me), feeling weird at the boy’s name rolling off my tongue mixing with the sweet flavour of the chocolate ice cream (which tastes better than normal chocolate ice cream).

“And thanks for the ice cream.” I added. 

I walked awkwardly to the doors, feeling Jeno’s gaze on me. Jeez,,, can he stop looking this way it’s making me hella nervous.

Just when I was about to step out of the door,

“Bye bye, Junnie!” Jeno hollered from the counters.

I choked on my ice cream, uncomfortable with the sudden change of character and my new nickname. I ran even faster towards the exit of the parlour, not wanting to let Jeno see how flustered I was. I felt goosebumps trail on my skin. 

Brrr. It’s so weird how I react when there’s a cutie in front of me. 

Stop it Renjun. Stawp.

I bet with all my heart that my cheeks are freshly kissed pink like a rose. I shook my head, and continued walking, wanting not to think so much about that particular boy...

I caught up with Haechan who was devouring his ice cream whole. Haechan looked at me weirdly and rolled his eyes but decided not to say anything about it (thank god) as he continued to enjoy his treat.

Junnie.

A shock of electricity went circling through my backbone.

Yikes. 

( ᵔᴥᵔ )

I’m not sure why, but the whole damn day after we met Jeno, I kept thinking of the way he said my name.

Junnie. 

Why the fuck does it affect me so much?

Is this how infatuation-at-first-sight feels like? 

Haechan and I were just gonna watch netflix, and as Haechan sets up the computer for us to do just that. Since I was interested to know more about Jeno, I casually asked, “So, how did you know Jeno?” 

Please don’t ask why I want to know. Please don’t ask why I want to know. Please don’t ask why I want to know. Please don’t ask why I want to know. Please don’t ask why I want to know. Please don’t ask why I want to know. Please don’t ask why I want to know. Please don’t ask why I want to know. 

“Why do you want to know?” 

Fuck you Hyuck.

Haechan glanced up at my question, smirking, “Why, somebODy gOtTa cRuSh!” 

I groaned. This annoying ass. 

I immediately jumped out of the sofa, and clenched my fists, wanting to give him a big fat slap. This guy… he wasn’t wrong though… right? 

“I’m serious. Tell me!” 

“Well, I met Jeno when I was a freshman, and now… we’re here?” Haechan tried to recall. 

That really helped. 

( ᵔᴥᵔ )

The halls were crowded with people, and the chaos was so perfect, like a movie. There was the typical couple that was always making out on the left side of the hall, and about ten feet farther down, the cliquey girls with their boyfriends. Opposite them, the cliquey jocks, and between them, the parade of band geeks with their huge instrument cases. There were the aerospace tech kids who never did anything but make paper airplanes and the fashion kids that wheeled mannequins and clothing racks down the halls. 

And then there was me, who did not know a single person (except Haechan) and is currently biting into my nails because I am extremely terrified, it being my very first day in this school.

“Renjun, loosen up! You’ll be fine!” Haechan assured. I wasn’t quite sure about that. Well, on the bright side, I was glad I had Haechan. 

We had a good movie night yesterday (except the part he only told me one sentence about Jeno which totally helped), and I sniggered thinking of Haechan jumping out of the sofa to hide in the kitchen because we were watching a horror movie and his scaredy ass couldn’t handle it anymore. 

“Hyuck! Man!” Some male voices yelled from over a distance. Haechan waved them over, and I could see, from the side of my eyes, a group of boys coming over.

“Hey, it’s Junnie!” A voice said, 

Junnie.

My brain stopped working. My heart, oh, it exploded. 

I knew very well who it was. 

I broke out in cold sweat. So many of them were coming towards me and Haechan, but..what was I supposed to say? Will they talk to me? Should I ignore and pretend I don’t see them? Or Should I Introduce myself? I… I like ice cream? Oh, ice cream? Yeah, I went to the ice cream parlour and met Jeno? 

And then, a soft whisper (that i could hear) “The pretty guy you were talking about from the ice cream shop?”

Pretty?

Did Jeno think of me like that? 

Then, they giggled like they heard the funniest joke of the century but wanted no one to hear their laughter. 

From the side of my eye, I see Jeno biting the edge of a smile, a vain attempt to keep his creeping grin at bay. The intention behind his perking lips wasn’t something that could easily be ensured. 

“Jeno has told us so much about y—” A pink haired guy exclaimed before Jeno used his hands to cover his mouth. Jeno pulled the guy to the side and looked at him with a pointed look. 

Then the gang laughed as if this were a natural occurrence. Haechan put his arms around me, saying, “Guys, ya’ll are going to scare him! This legendary guy here is,” he paused, clearing his throat, “Huang Renjun.” 

A heavy silence settled over us, thicker than the uneasy tension in the atmosphere. But that was soon over as, in a blink of an eye, we all (wow, friends!) started to walk to our classes (I had no idea where my class was, but Jeno offered to bring me, since we had the same one). 

I learned that the ‘gang’ consisted of Jaemin, Jisung, Chenle, Mark, and of course, Jeno and Haechan. They were talking about some swim team and that there was a competition today apparently? 

Swimming…

The thought of it evoked a memory.

The waves crashed. 

“Daddy! I got my ice cream……” I yelled, but the words that were coming out of my mouth slowly became washed away in the screaming that was produced from the crowds of the people… The last I saw of him was him, being swallowed by the waves...

I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. Renjun! Stop being a cry-baby! Stop remembering about the past! It’s...over, but I can’t get over it. 

“We’ll be there” 

“Renjeon’s coming too…..yes……” 

I looked up at the sound of my name (being pronounced wrongly). Haechan was smiling at me slyly as he nodded his head at something. He was up to something and the feeling was unsettling. 

“It’s settled then! See ya later boys!” The pink haired boy yelled out, a smile on his face, one almost identical to the one Haechan was wearing,with all of them eyeing me. I have a bad feeling about this. 

Insecure, I asked curiously (Hey, I genuinely wanted to know, Okay?), “What’s settled?” 

Everyone was walking away, immersed in their conversations, not hearing what I asked. Sometimes I hate it when I can’t speak out in front of a few strangers, I just- can’t get used to it. 

Just then, a sweet smell of chocolate wifted into my nostrils. I lifted my eyes up and they came into contact with brown ones. I immediately turned my head away. It was (obviously) Jeno. I couldn’t look him in the eye. It was just so hard, after he called me that weird ass nickname yesterday. 

Junnie.

Why is it affecting me? Why WHY WHY? 

I don’t even get why it’s impacting me so much. 

“Junnie, what’s wrong? You seem troubled.” 

Junnie.

I was actually considering not to answer, but, “I’m not.” 

“Oh.”

Awkward silence. 

The only thing I was hearing was Jeno’s squeaky footsteps against the hallway floor, because he lagged behind the group with me at the back. He was wearing minion sneakers, with skinny jeans and a black shirt. The bright yellow was so bright it reflected off the tiles of the hallway floor. I didn’t know how the ridiculous outfit still made him look good. 

Ugh, the world was so unfair. Some people could just throw on a garbage bag and they would still look like supermodels. Admittedly, I could, and would, NEVER (ever) wear something like that out. 

I was spacing out, thinking about the outfits Jeno could wear like maybe the Baby Shark onesie, or him dressed in The Little Prince’s attire. I giggled at the thought.

“What’s so funny?” 

I immediately stopped giggling and cleared my throat. 

“Nothing.” 

I can’t bring myself to talk to him. I’ll probably just stumble on my words in the process. 

Jeno raised his eyebrows and I made contact with his eyes again, looking back down, probably a blushing mess. 

Step squeak

Step squeakk

Step squeak

Then,

“...Am I… weird… to you?”

W-why was he asking that? 

I smoothed my hair with my hands, dusting off invisible dust particles off my shirt in the process, as if that was the most interesting thing ever, while I replied, “No” 

“Then why aren’t you talking to me?” Jeno stopped walking, standing in a position where his black hair was long enough to cover his eyes, and his hands drooping beside his body. 

Because I’m intimidated by you. 

“I am.” I lied. (I felt so bad) 

“Why do you keep replying with maximum two-syllabus words?” He challenged me. 

“I don—” 

“Why did you look so upset when the guys decided to come to my swim meet?”

What was he talking about? My brain was spinning. Jeno looked angry, but I wasn’t really sure, his eyes were not visible under the thick bangs of his hair. 

“...Swim— wha—” 

“Are you uncomfortable with me?” 

“What Swi—” 

“If you don’t want to go, just—” 

“Jeno!” I couldn’t take it anymore. 

Everyone around us glanced weirdly, eyes filled with bubbling curiosity. Oops, too loud. Well, It wasn’t MY fault someone was overly in their own world, sprouting out weird stuff about some swim meet. Jeno stopped blubbering (finally) and directed his attention to me. 

When everyone realized it was just some guy (Me) making a nuisance, they turned back to whatever they were doing and continued with their lives. 

Meanwhile, Jeno was still staring at me like I was some unsolvable problem. I pinched the sides of my eyebrows,

“Why and Whose swim meet am I going to?” 

Jeno shook his head slightly, letting his bangs swish to the side of his face. I could see now that his eyes were full of questions. No wonder they say the eyes are the windows to one’s emotions. Jeno blinked and the beauty was momentarily covered by the shield of his eyelashes; naturally long and soft looking - feminine compared to the rest of his well structured features. By the time the boy's eyes opened again, I had still not recovered from his intense stare. 

He tilted his head. 

“Junnie….” I shivered. Oh, how much I hate how that nickname affected me.

“You’re going to my swim meet.” 

Immediately, thoughts of Jeno shirtless and in his swimming attire rushed into my mind. A blush seared through my cheeks and for a minute I thought my face was on fire. I suddenly felt awkward, demure, and coy; even going as far as attempting to hide my already obvious blush behind my hands. I felt embarrassed, my cheeks weren’t a soft pink like a healthy outdoors glow, it was beet red. 

“Junnie? What’s wrong? You… don’t want to go?” He stared at me, deep, with those puppy brown eyes. Those brown eyes are a million hues, so I started to wonder what the word "brown" even means. They are the forest and the autumnal leaves, the soil in summer and after the rains. How could we ever reduce something so spellbinding to one word, when the colours invite us to marvel in their simplicity. 

“What? No, no! Of course I’m going.” I hurriedly replied (after getting lost in those eyes, goddamn.), not wanting Jeno to be giving me that puppy face. 

“Really?” A smile suddenly whooshed up in his face, and his iconic crescent smile that I kept replaying on the day I met him at the ice cream shop appeared. One word: Woahh. My heart started beating, rapidly. So rapid, I think my heart might burst out from my chest. 

“Yep….” I squeaked out. 

“That’s great! See you later then….” Jeno looked like he was thinking deeply about something trivial, “...Junnie!” 

Of course, my first day at this school was okay (I guess). I didn’t make new friends (wasn’t good at making them anyway), maybe just the pink haired guy? Jaemin, was it? He was in the same Chemistry and Math classes as me, and he sat with me for both, which I thought was really kind of him. So I tried (keyword, tried.) to listen to him go on about his latest fashion idea and how he should decorate his room with some samoyeds (some kind of dog, I think). He said he was roommates with Jeno, which, at the mention of that name, caused my heart to jump.  
I also managed to hear about the part where he said their apartment was just opposite of mine and Haechan’s, which I didn’t know because a certain someone (Haechan) didn’t think of telling me. I made a mental reminder that I should close my curtains, because neighbours could easily be seen from opposite houses, and I didn’t want Jeno to see me dancing to myself in the bedroom in my moomin pyjamas. Though, admittedly, my moomin pyjamas were glamorous. 

The rest of the day was me just taking down notes in class and listening on and on to the lectures, scribbling little notes here and there, and of course, filling my brain with thoughts of a certain boy (yes… Jeno— if you haven’t guessed). 

Jeno… he had a strange way of mesmerizing people. His smile was one of happiness growing, much as a spring flower opens. I could see how it came from deep inside to light his eyes and spread into every part of him. I sighed. I was so completely infatuated by Jeno, I couldn’t even believe myself. Jeno and I were in the same Gym and History class, and luckily, today I didn’t have any classes with him, or else I will literally combust into flames. 

As much as the first day of school was enjoyable, I still had one thing left till the day ended. Something that I looked forward to, yet dreaded. That’s right. 

The swim meet. 

I walked with Jaemin to the school’s swimming complex since we had last period together and I had no idea where the swimming complex was. Jaemin and I talked about the latest Dior coat that neither of us could afford but wanted to have, and the nearby newly opened vintage clothing shop that we both promised to visit together. I must admit, Jaemin and I were getting closer and he is a nice person to be with.

“Heyy, Jisung-a!” Jaemin called out excitedly once we reached the swimming complex, his smile showing his bright white teeth. The swimming complex was filled with people, like a river, everyone moving in some sort of direction. Cheers and noise travelled into my ears which vibrated my eardrums. The smell of chlorine flew into my nose, which made my insides shiver.

It was all way too familiar. 

I used to love coming here.

The sound of water splashing played in my head.

“Daddy! Someone save him!” 

The sudden surge of memory caused my mouth to go dry. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, and my legs going weak. I wanted to leave. 

But before I could turn around and dash home, Jaemin pulled me towards the crowds, unaware of my sudden mental breakdown.

Jisung gestured us over to where he was sitting, with Chenle, Mark and Haechan right with him. I sat in between Jaemin and Haechan, and a whistle blew, signaling the start of the swim meet. I breathed in and out, trying to calm myself.

“Right on time.” Jaemin whispered to me, smiling. 

I tried to smile back, blinking back my tears, relieved that no one noticed my (mental) breakdown. Stay calm, Renjun, Stay calm. 

Then, swimmers emerged from the sides of the complex, many of them having their heads lifted up confidently. Cheers erupted from all sides of the complex, everyone rooting for their friends and family. Among the many swimmers, my eyes connected with the chocolate orbs yet again. My heart started thumping viciously in my chest. 

I stared at Jeno. He was topless (of course) with tight swimwear hugged around his toned thighs. On top of that, Jeno’s waist and chest were fully on display, as my stomach turned unhelpfully and my skin turned clammy. Jeno looked up and swiped his jet black hair aside adorably, lighting up into a smile, his eyes dancing in crescents as he spotted us, and I followed suit, pushing the thoughts (more like depressing flashbacks) that I had earlier at the back of my head. Jaemin and Jisung waved enthusiastically as Chenle screamed like a dolphin. 

The whistle blew, signalling for swimmers to start.

The swim meet started, and cheers started to erupt like an auditory volcano. It is all quiet one second and then deafening the next, rising to a crescendo and then falling to a trickle before the same nervous tension commands silence once more. Water splashed everywhere and suddenly memories came crashing back into me, out of control. 

My head hurt, it spinned, so much, so much, that I had to leave this place. 

Right now. 

“Daddy?”

Waves crashed and the last thing I saw of him was his smile, a sad one,giving me a last glance as the sea swallowed him whole. 

Fat tears rolled out of my eyes. 

That day, no, that week…. No, that year, I was traumatised by this. I never wanted to go near water ever again. Whenever I saw water, I- 

Get flashbacks of that very day I thought I locked into the back of my mind. 

I jumped out of my seat, pressing my hands against my throbbing head, running towards the exit of the complex. I could feel eyes on me and hear the cheers for the swimmers. But I didn’t care, I had to get out of here, away from the water, away from the memories, away from… the past that I could not leave behind. 

I could hear Jaemin yelling my name, but I ignored it.

I just couldn’t take it, the feeling was piercing.

It was always like that. After he…

I rushed into a cubicle in the toilet and pulled my knees up to my chest while wrapping my arms around my shins; if I could just curl up into a ball, I wouldn't have to face reality, and I'd be protected from everything else around me.

But I'd still have to live with myself, with the wretched memories swirling around in my head. My eyes, already red and puffy from crying, squeezed shut to push more tears out. I let my head fall down to my knees, and I pulled my legs closer to me.

No matter what I did, there was nowhere I could hide from the thoughts in my head. 

I missed him so much. 

I started sobbing. 

I had no idea how long I sat and cried there for, or if I fell asleep.

Suddenly, someone started banging the door. Then, “Renjun! Renjun! Are you in there?” 

That voice. It was too familiar. The same calming and sweet voice. 

Jeno’s. 

Without thinking, I unlocked the cubicle’s door, and jumped straight into Jeno’s arms. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I wanted to feel love. I wanted to be loved. I don’t want to remember.

I could feel Jeno stiffen as I lunged onto him. His muscles tensed, and he smelt like fresh chlorine water. He was huffing and puffing, 

Did he run all the way here for me?

But he steadied himself and started patting my back softly. I hugged him tighter as his hands circled around my waist. I appreciated the fact that all we did was, well, hug, and he didn’t pry or ask me anything. 

I felt safe. I felt protected. I felt loved. 

A tear escaped my eye.

I could still hear him catching his breath as I leaned into the crook of his neck. It was all I could hear. 

“Are you okay Junnie? The guys told me you ran out of the complex suddenly… I got worried, you know.” 

My heart clenched. Another tear escaped my eye. 

“D-don’t run away like that again next time,” Jeno breathed, and in a softer tone, “I will get really worried. And scared.” 

How long did I even know Jeno for? One day? Yet here I was clutching onto him and being weak.

Another tear escaped my eye. 

“How about we go get some ice cream? Ice cream always makes you feel better.” 

And then another.

And another.

I bawled my eyes out. In front of Jeno. 

“Shhhh is okay, I got you, okay?” Jeno whispered, tightening his hold around my waist, and pressed my body closer to his. 

“Jeno Hyung! Renjun Hyung!” 

‘HUANG RENJUN! LEE JENO!”

“COME OUT YOU BITCHES STOP I AM WORRIED SICK!” 

A burst of voices resonated from the hallway. Guess who. I hurriedly wiped off the tears from my eyes, and attempted to get out of Jeno’s arms. But Jeno didn’t loosen his grip on me, and continued cradling me in his arms, looking at me with a sad face. 

“Thank You, Jeno.” 

“Don’t ever do that again, Junnie.” 

He then proceeded to wipe away the tear stains left on my cheek, which at that time Haechan chose to burst in and make his grand entrance.

“HUANG RENJUN. WHAT THE FUCK IS-” 

Jaemin shut him up and gave me a warm smile, while Haechan was still struggling in his grip, in a frenzy. 

“Hey Renjun. Glad you’re okay. If you need anything, remember we’ll always be here. With You.” 

Then, Jaemin pulled (dragged) Haechan along with him and smiled apologetically and they left.

“...So, how about some ice cream?” Jeno lifted me up and said cheerfully, attempting to lighten up the situation, and I could feel his eye smile forming from his voice, which, Of Course, made me smile too. 

( ᵔᴥᵔ )

And that was exactly what we did. We got ice cream. 

Jeno brought me to the ice cream parlour, which at that time of the day, was quite empty. The ice cream parlour certainly evoked some memories in me (just like how I met Jeno for the first time oh my god). 

We got some ice cream (more like Jeno bought it for me- I insisted on paying for my own but Jeno says he gets free ice cream since he works there). 

I ate my ice cream silently, with Jeno doing the same. Of course, we had chocolate flavoured ones (what else?). 

I tried to make small talk.

“So… you work here, huh.” 

Jeno blinked. 

“Yep, on Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays.” 

I took in a breath, and licked my lips, feeling Jeno’s eyes on them. 

“Wow… must be busy.” I tried.

“Haha, yeah sometimes,” Jeno laughed softly. 

I continued eating my ice cream. 

Oh my god the tension was so deep I could cut in with a knife (why does this sound like one song lyric?). 

So I couldn’t take it anymore, I wanted to say it. I didn’t want to keep anything from Jeno, I felt like I should tell him the truth, especially since… he kind of comforted me today. 

I closed my eyes. 

“He was a lifeguard. My Father,” 

Jeno glanced up at me with his beautiful curious eyes.

“H-He was all I had, the one who taught me swimming and the one who loved me everyday.” 

Flashbacks of him came into my mind.

My lips wobbled, and I bit into them, a fleeting attempt to try to conceal my sadness and foreseeing breakdown. Jeno furrowed his eyebrows, and lips set into a straight and thin line. 

“You don’t have to tell me, if you’re not comfortable with it.” 

Oh my god he was so sweet. 

But I shook my head. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell Jeno. I wanted to tell someone. 

“H-He had bought me my favorite vanilla ice cream, and suddenly, the waves started crashing and water was spilling everywhere because of the tidal wave that occurred. The waves got me. It suddenly was like I was trapped in it. He died saving someone from the crashing waves. And that someone was me.” 

I looked down at my almost liquid ice cream. Darn it. Ice cream brings back so many happy yet sad memories. 

“Ever since then, I’ve always been fearful of water. I-it just brings back so many memories. I-I want to forget them, but at the s-same time, I don’t want to, you know?” 

Jeno’s hands found mine and he squeezed it tight. 

“I used to love swimming. With him. It was so relaxing and comfortable, being able to soak myself in the water,”

I sniffed and grinned, recalling the memories I had with my Father.

“But ever since he, l-left, I just, couldn’t face water, especially swimming pools.” 

I let a tear slide down my cheek.

“Thank you for telling me, Renjun.” Jeno wiped my tear drop off my face with his hand gently. 

Renjun? What happened to Junnie? 

“N-no.” I squeeked. Oh my god I can’t shut up, can I? Not now, Renjun. 

“No?” Jeno questioned, his eyebrows raising into his black hair. 

“Don’t call me that.” I blushed. Frick, I was probably as red as I can possibly be. I averted my head to the side, and avoided Jeno’s gaze. 

“Call you wha— Oh.” 

As I licked my ice cream, Jeno held my hand in his, drawing soothing circles on the face of my hand, unknowingly calming me down. 

“Okay, Junnie.” 

How could I only know Lee Jeno for less than a week, yet here I am, already falling for him? I sneaked a glance at Jeno, as he gobbled his ice cream down adorably and my heart beat fast, threatening to spill out of my chest any moment. 

People often speak of the colour of eyes, as if that were of importance, and Jeno’s would be beautiful in any shade. From them comes an intensity, an honesty, a gentleness. Perhaps this is what is meant by a gentleman, not one of weakness or trite politeness, but one of great spirit and noble ways (why am I speaking like a literary knight). 

What he is, what is beautiful about him, comes from deep within; it makes me want to feel how his lips move in a kiss, how his hands follow the curves of my body. 

All I know is that I am, foolishly, falling for him. Harder, as every second passed. 

I must have been staring at Jeno for eternity, because Jeno looked in my direction and sent a zabbing (is that a word) sensation through my hand and gave me a look of concern.

“Hey… your ice cream is melting.” 

I immediately looked down at my ice cream, and pushed it away (it was all melted anyway and I didn’t have much left), embarrassed that he caught me staring (Not like this was the first time anyway).

“You know, if you….” Jeno started.

I looked up at him.

“Y-you….” he continued, fumbling.

Tick tock tick cock (sorry I thought it was funny), the clock went. 

“..you want to….” 

I tried scooping my melted ice cream and swallowed a little of it, and felt it slip down my throat, the cold sensation a relaxation to me. Jeno’s stuttering, not so much.

“Want to go….”

A gentle flush of pink had arisen in his cheeks that ran down all the way to his neck, and it was the most adorable sight I have ever seen. 

I laughed. 

“Jeno, what are you saying?” 

The blush on his cheeks started flaming and I could feel sweat starting to form in the palm of his hand that's holding mine. I gave it a comforting squeeze, trying to make him less shy and everything, so that he will tell me what he wanted to say. 

I was met with silence. 

Then a soft whisper, “I can teach you swimming.”

I could feel the beat of my heart echo through the walls of the ice cream parlour. I was about to answer, but Jeno went on. 

“I can teach you. To swim. Again?”

He paused. I took that as a sign to start talking. 

“Jeno—” 

But then he continued, seemingly lost in his thoughts. 

“So that you can swim. Not that you don’t know. You do. I mean of course you do! But maybe if I teach you again, you can be less scared of water and stuff and maybe you can learn to love the water and swimming again then maybe we can swim together in the future. 

Wait...future? 

Maybe not. Let’s not go too far yet. But perhaps after swimming we can also get ice cream right that would be so fun oh and after you learn swimming we can know each other better and maybe then we can-”

“JENO!” I bursted (and giggled right after).

Oh my god he was rambling on and on and I really didn’t see the end of it. 

He looked at me with expectant eyes, beaming with curiosity and wonder. 

“Yes, you can teach me swimming—” 

I was cut off when Jeno suddenly hopped out of his seat and scooped me (like how he scooped his chocolate ice cream? hehe) into his arms.

“We’re going to have so much fun!” 

He twirled me around and round and when I started to get dizzy (or when Jeno had started to get dizzy) he stopped. My heart almost exploded. The way he held me in his arms. The way his arms curled around my waist. Everything. It was heaven. 

“But wait… where are we going to swim at?” 

( ᵔᴥᵔ )

In the end, we were swimming at the pool in Jeno’s uncle's house. Jeno said that his uncle doesn’t really use the pool that often so he often comes over to swim (Not that his uncle minded anyway, he lives alone and most of the time at work, says Jeno). 

Jeno brought me here right after class ended, excitedly walking me to his uncle’s, arms failing everywhere as he talked about how much fun we were going to have.

To be honest, I was afraid. But Jeno seemed so excited, I had to push through not only for myself, but for him. 

“Come on, Junnie!”

Jeno slipped off his clothes and thrashed them onto the floor mindlessly, revealing his very very very toned torso (and minion swimming pants). 

He splashed right into the water fearlessly and started splashing about. Jeno signalled to me.  
He looked so happy. 

I took a very deep breath.

You can do this Renjun. 

You don’t have to be scared anymore. 

I removed my clothing and folded it neatly, and I dipped myself into the water, wearing a white tee with my swimming shorts hesitantly. 

One dip, Renjun. 

I allowed myself to plunge into the water. Bubbles cascaded everywhere, racing one another to the surface. A shiver ran up my spine as I grew accustomed to the new temperature. 

I wanted to get out. Tears were forming at the back of my eyes. The day he died replayed into my mind. I felt like the water was suffocating me, preventing me from breathing. 

A pair of strong arms came from behind me, pushing me into his chest, instantly calming me down. 

“Junnie, it’s okay.” 

Such simple words. Yet they provided me with utmost comfort. 

“Step by step” He whispered.

Jeno guided me.

“You got this,” 

He placed me on the side of the pool (concrete floor— yes!) and after making sure I wouldn’t slip off, he taught me to kick in the water. I remember learning that with my Father. 

“Try to use more strength when kicking—” 

And I kicked as hard as I could, splashing water into Jeno’s face in the process. Jeno spluttered out the water and gave my butt a light smack. 

“Naughty.” 

I blushed at the contact. Jeno came to my side and started kicking in the water with me. 

“That’s it Renjun, that’s the spirit~!”

He always never forgot to praise me, before pulling me into a bone crushing hug. 

“Promise me that you will continue swimming. Forever.”

This time, I didn’t cry at the memory, but rather smiled. I was so, so grateful I had Jeno. 

Throughout this “swimming session”, Jeno taught me the basics of swimming, saying that we should start slow since I wasn’t used to swimming yet. As we kicked in the water together, Jeno and I chatted about our day. It was sweet, and calming, and Jeno talked most of the time (I could see he was trying to distract me from the water-he’s the sweetest), complaining about how Haechan was being a nuisance during Chemistry and that he was pissed at Jaemin for choosing Mark as his lab partner and causing him to end up with Haechan. 

I giggled at the thought of Jeno pouting at Jaemin. 

We continued talking and I shared with Jeno how I didn’t have many friends (excluding him and Haechan and the gang) and how boring it was to sit in classes alone.

“Imagine having no one to discuss the poems during Literature class! Ugh, I have to be a lonertic poet.”

Then Jeno brightly smiled at me.

“Don’t be creepy.” I told him. 

He grabbed my hands excitedly. 

“We have a class together, last period, History class.” 

I thought for a while. 

“Yeah we do.”

“You can sit with me.” Jeno said. I looked at him alarmingly. He smiled his famous eye smile, crescent smile- well, THAT smile, anticipating an answer from me. 

Can I? 

I stared into Jeno’s eyes, and he stared back. Our staring contest ended when Jeno started blinking his eyes rapidly, shaking his head, as if he got sucked away from reality and explained himself, “I mean, then i wouldn’t have to face Haechan’s constant nagging that my History sucks but then again if you don’t want to—” 

I hugged Jeno, silently thanking him. 

“It’ll be a pleasure to sit with you, Jeno.” 

He hugged back. 

And I wasn’t sure how or when, he started peppering kisses down my neck. 

“Jeno! We’re in the water! My skin has chlorine, it’s stinky!” 

I felt a hot breath vibrating on my neck (Jeno laughed, cute), then the tender brush of lips. Burning as they make contact with my neck. A hand runs through my wet hair, making my tangled hair more tangled (but you know what, I don’t care) as the kisses become harder and more urgent. I loved the feeling of this. 

What was this even? 

What were we? 

Many thoughts flooded my mind. 

But before I could let my mind wander off any further, another hand slides around my waist, and pulls me close to his body. His kisses are now on my shoulders and in my hair.

I don't lean in, because I don't want to make myself seem too keen. How could I, on the first few days in this new city, start kissing a boy? 

But it felt like I knew him forever. 

Why? 

Why was I feeling this way? 

Then Jeno brushes my hair back and moves in so close I swear I can feel his lean body pressed up against mine. 

We were so close.

I wanted more. I wanted Jeno to do more than kiss my damn neck. 

But my actions said otherwise. 

With a gentle push from my palm on Jeno’s chest, he knowingly took that as a sign to stop. I pulled away. 

“S-sorry.” 

What was he sorry for? 

In an attempt to liven up the situation and prevent Jeno from blaming himself and saying it was all his fault (because, really, it was not his fault), “No Jeno, it’s alright, I know how much we both wanted that.” 

Both? More like how much I wanted that. 

Anway, It was nothing right? 

“It’s just a kiss on the neck, nothing much,” I replied. 

Was it really? 

Jeno meekly glaneed in my direction, and I started to note how sexy (oh my god, Renjun!) he was standing there, half-naked. His toned body coupled so well with his oh-so-cute face. 

Before I drooled or did anything embarrassing, I hurriedly rushed out of the pool, yelling, “Well, let’s go back already, the sky’s going to be dark.” 

But in reality, all I wanted to do was hide the dark red that painted all over my face because of the boy who kissed my neck.

( ᵔᴥᵔ )

The next few days consist of Me and Jeno heading to his uncle’s pool after school when Jeno didn’t have after school swimming practices or him working at the ice cream parlour. Either way, I would always be around him. 

The swimming sessions at his uncle’s are really fun, like our secret hide out, because his uncle isn’t usually at home which means more time alone (omg omg). 

We often study together too when we both are too lazy to hold the “swimming lessons”, so Jeno would come over to me (and Haechan’s) apartment to study. 

Happy is what I feel when Jeno walks through the door and slams himself onto my bed, groaning that he had a tiring day at school. But for the rest of the evening he's all mine, and we’re each other’s, so naturally, the day becomes better (for me, I guess— I hope it does for Jeno too). 

It's not that he's fireworks and chatter; sometimes he can be so very quiet, unwinding after a day full of classes and more classes. But just being near Jeno lights me up inside, giving me a serenity I can never know without him being close. 

It's like the breaths I take aren't full when he's away, like the smiles I smile are incomplete somehow. Just lying next to him while we study together, with the occasional pecks here and there, is my favourite place in the world. 

It's him that creates the warmth in my soul, him that fills me full of love and keeps the fire burning in my eyes. If that isn't happiness I don't know what is, so I'll let it be my own definition, the one I keep with me always.

I look at Jeno, and I am so thankful for him, that he is here with me. 

He overcame my fears and made me happy.

And I couldn’t be happier. 

(Disappointingly) though, me and Jeno haven’t really progressed much from that day (cough, the day he kissed my neck), but he occasionally kisses my cheek and neck now and then, which he came to realize how easily I crumbled against his touch. 

We often go to the ice cream parlour (while he’s on shift). It’s so fun to watch Jeno work while girls (annoying) swoon over him and he has this constant pink blush on his face that I want to kiss away (did I just say that). 

“Stop staring at me.” 

He would always say. 

“You know you like it.” I always reply. 

“I know I really really really like you.” Jeno would challenge, ending the conversation with a gentle smack on my cheeks, causing my insides to become so so sweet, probably sweeter than the special moomin chocoduluxe (Jeno calls it that, when really, it’s just chocolate ice cream with a moomin biscuit) that Jeno makes for me (he always says he makes it specially for me). 

I always feel that the love Jeno has for chocolate has also affected me to start liking chocolate. Is that possible? 

“You know,” Jeno cleared his throat, “The day of our first swimming lesson?” 

I looked up from my moomin chocoduluxe, licking ice cream off my lips, nodding my head, signalling him to continue. 

“You said,” He blushed, “That our’” Jeno brushed his hair into his eyes, “o-our,” he scratched his elbow, “o-our kiss was, um, i mean it was technically not really a kiss, because it was on the neck, b-but,” Jeno continued, softly, “you said it was nothing—” 

When I heard that, I froze. 

“Was it really nothing?” He gently whispered. 

I avoided my gaze from Jeno, and I wanted to tell him, it was not nothing. 

“It was everything.” I replied back tenderly. 

And I meant it. 

“Really? Because for me it was everything too.” He smiled the brightest smile he could ever smile, making my insides warmer than the hot summer temperature. 

I smiled back at him, heart beating erratically, in random beats, sometimes beats faster than the other, because my love for Jeno was that uncontrollable. 

I liked him too much. 

Afterwards after Jeno’s shift, we would walk home hand in hand, watching the sunset on the way home. I always looked forward to the little gift (a kiss) Jeno would give me, everyday, it being sweeter than the previous. 

“Bye, Junnie,” He would always say, watching me go into my apartment. 

Jeno best boy, I think.

For the days where Jeno had swimming practices, I would always sit on the stands and watch (sometimes sketch) Jeno swimming. It was so mesmerizing, the way his muscles flex and the way his eyes light up when he sees me on the stands. It was probably because I always baked him his favourite chocolate cookies though. He always says those choco boogies “saves” his life.

"Renjun, drawing Jeno again?"

I looked up from my sketchbook, the sun running into my eyes. I used my hands to shield the rays, squinting to see the person who called me out. 

Ah. I recognized those blue eyes. But… Where have I seen it before? 

Oh, Hanseol from my literature class.

Why was he even talking to me?

The only thing I spoke to him was… wait I never spoke to him before.

I didn't know how or what to reply to him so I just nodded my head (and closed my sketchbook (I didn't want him snooping at my precious drawings of Jeno). 

I blatantly stared at the sky (the sun was setting soon), hoping Hanseol would take that as a signal and go away. 

He didn’t get the signal.

But before I could ask him to scram, and get the fuck out, he said 

“So, did Jeno tell you about their overseas practice?”

My ears perked at that question and my heart thumped a little faster. 

“Overseas Practice?” 

Hanseol nodded his head, pushing himself closer to me, “Yeah, they’ll be heading to the states for special practice for a week. Jeno didn’t tell you?” 

My head spinned. 

One week without Jeno? I didn’t know this would affect me so much. Tears, tears and tears started forming in my eyes and were threatening to fall out. 

Hanseol put his hand on my thigh (bro, what?) and whispered, “Aw you sweet little thing. Missing Jen—” 

I wanted to smack his hand off my hand as soon as he touched my thigh, but before i could ask him to fuck off (and before he could finish that fucking sentence) a strong hand grabbed me away by the waist. 

“Back Off.” 

Jeno looked at me with hooded eyes and pushed me behind him and pointed a daring finger at HanSeol. 

I was still in a daze at what HanSeol said… about Jeno leaving for one week…. 

I shook my head, starting to cry. 

Jeno didn’t seem to notice my sobbing and grabbed HanSeol by the collar. 

“You don’t touch people without their consent.” 

Jeno looked so, so angry, I had to stop him before something bad happened (like maybe punching the heck out of HanBitch, because that idea is fucking great) 

“Jeno,” I managed to sniff out in between my blows of mucus (don’t worry I don’t have the coronavirus. Wait, is it too early to joke about this? I’m sorry.) 

“L-let’s go.” I turned my head around and started marching towards the exit of the school. I was mad at Jeno. 

Why did he not tell me about the Overseas Practice? 

I walked, then

I ran. 

Call me a dramatic bitch if you like, because I am one. 

“Junnie!” 

I ran as fast as I could, back to my apartment, and slammed the door, locking it, making sure Jeno couldn’t come in. 

“What the fuck?” I bumped into Haechan as I dashed up the staircase to my room. I had no time to explain whatever shit, I wanted to cry, I wanted to be alone. 

As I locked the doors of my room, throwing myself on the bed, 

“Jun!” I heard Jeno’s voice. How did he come in? 

FUck, he knew the password to the apartment (he came here way too many times after school to hang out and study with me). 

I heard some mummering. 

Then silence. 

“Hey Renjun, I asked Jeno to give you some space. So uh, i don’t know what happened between both of you guys but sort it out kay? I’ll be here if you need me.” 

I had no energy to reply. Or the brain cells to. 

Why was I reacting so dramatically? Was I reacting too dramatically? Yes bitch I was. 

But… Jeno is going to be away. 

Who was I going to practice swimming with, or eat ice cream with, or…. Be friends with? Or… 

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I look toward the window, as if the light could soothe me. There is static in my head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress I live with. I hear my own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. 

I tried to stay silent, I really did. 

But no avail. 

I weeped, No, I probably SOBBED full on. 

Haechan wouldn’t stop freaking out. 

“RENJUN! QUIT SCARING ME! OPEN THE DOOR!” 

Hearing Haechan’s voice, I cried even more (hopefully not louder but tbh I don’t even know) because the sadness was really eating me. Salty drops from my eyes fall from my chin, drenching my shirt. 

I don’t know why but I suddenly giggled (am I losing my mind?) 

I thought about Haechan (and Jaemin and the gang—although I only knew them for not a particularly long period of time). 

How I was so so grateful to have him (even though he’s annoying and didn’t tell me more about Jeno- yes I am still salty about that- but now I probably know Jeno better than him hmph), watching me through the days I was here. 

“I CAN’T DO THIS I’M LOSING MY MIND YOU BETTER NOT DO ANYTHING DANGEROUS INSIDE THERE AND I’M CALLING JENO.”

Then after some stumbles,

“JENO HURRY THE FUCK UP YES I KNOW I AKSED YOU TO LEAVE BUT HE’S CRYING SO MUCH IDK WHAT TO DO OMAIGAWD!” 

Jeno….

As much I wanted to hate him for not telling me stuff, I liked him too much to let go. 

“Jun, open up, please… I'm so so so worried…..” Huh,, how did he come here so fast— oh right he lives opposite us. 

I've seen the movies, and the shows. They never truly cried. From what I have seen when someone cries it's not pretty. Their eyes swell and turn red. They are unable to speak, unable to breath, nothing. The world around, becomes a blur of color that melts to gray. 

I was probably the living representation of that right now. 

Jeno wouldn’t want to see me, but I wanted to see Jeno, I was sorry for pushing him away when I needed him the most. He was there, but I pushed him away. 

I flicked open the door meekly, afraid that Jeno would see my ugly face and-

There is the hug of gentle arms that still gives the space to breathe; then there is the hug of strong arms that tells everything that you are - body, brain and soul - that they are with you. Jeno’s hugs were like that. 

His hugs are stronger than anything I've ever known, as if holding me wasn't quite enough, having to feel every ounce that I am pressed into every ounce that is him. In that moment of feeling Jeno so so so close, I am so much better somehow, more than I have been in so very long. 

I grasped Jeno’s shirt in my hands, fisting it in a way that showed I didn’t want to ever let him go. For there are times where I am as a butterfly who yearns for the cocoon, to be safe within walls, protected. That is me now, I am that butterfly. 

“I’m s-sor—” 

“No, Jun. I’m sorry. Don’t apologise.” 

My heart broke at what he said. It wasn’t Jeno’s fault. It never was.

“There’s nothing for you to apologise for either.” 

I used both of my arms to wrap around his neck as tight as I could, not wanting to let go, not wanting to forget this moment. This moment, that only both of us shared. 

I snuggled into his arms comfortably, "You're the only person I know that gives indefinite hugs."

Jeno snickered, "Well, love, you yourself is a gift to me." In that moment the arms squeezed a fraction tighter and I breathed more slowly,my body melting into his as every muscle lost its tension to the spring air. 

It was quiet for a moment, while we enjoyed each other’s presence in our arms. 

“W-why? W-why did you run away from me?” 

I was certain a shade of red popped out from my cheeks. I could only imagine how stupid I must have looked running away from Jeno. “I-I thought of you leaving me for a week for your Overseas Programme, and I-I” 

“Overseas Programme?” 

Jeno loosened the hug between us, the strings connecting us disconnecting one by one. 

“What Overseas Programme are you talking about, love?” 

I looked at him, wondering if he was joking. 

“The one that Hanseol said…?” 

Jeno frowned, eyebrows furrowing, wiping that sweet sweet smile he had before off his face. 

“That fucker. He lied to you.” 

Jeno turned rigid with fury, clenching his hands into a fist. 

"We were supposed to have an Overseas Programme, but we aren't going anymore due to the inavailability to find a free date for everyone....How did HanSeol even know about this?" Jeno questioned, and I could see that he was thinking hard. And he was mad. 

“So you aren’t going for the Overseas Programme?” That was the only thing in my mind right now. Jeno is not leaving? Jeno is not leaving?

JENO IS NOT LEAVING!!! 

I was so so happy, maybe as happy as happy as a baboon in a banana tree. As happy as a clam at high tide. As happy as a hippo in mud. As happy as a shark in a shoal of sea bream. As happy as a kitty in a cream pie. As happy as a dog at a dinosaur dig.

I was the happiest boy I could ever be. 

“You’re not leaving!” I gasped.

“I’m not.” Jeno repeated, smiling a little, but anger still evident on his face. 

“Ahhh that’s the best news I ever heard!” I snuggled. 

"Don't be angry, Jeno. I'm okay... we're okay."

Jeno patted me lovingly, and we embraced in silence, happy to be where we are. And that we were okay.

“Renjun?” 

“Can I say something?” 

“I really really realllyyy like you. Also, I’m going to beat that Hanseol’s guy ass.” 

I glanced at Jeno’s eyes, reading him like an open book (he was easy to read, at least, to me, but Haechan always says he can’t seem to tell what Jeno is thinking). 

Hearing those words lighted up my heart. 

“I really really reallyyyyy like you too.” I softly replied. 

"And kick HanSeol's ass hard." I added, giggling.

Jeno scooped me in those arms of his and because I wished to stay there, safe and warm, I did. Encapsulated by his arms and love.

Feeling every beat of it.

Then, we stayed in each other’s arms, for who knows how long, because that was where we both wanted to be, Forever. 

In each other’s arms. 

Jeno was my happy ending, and I was his. 

“How about some ice cream?” 

Ever since I could remember going for ice cream was an adventure for both of us, really. Our friendship started there. It was the beginning of it all. 

Even if Jeno gave me a chocolate ice cream the first time we met each other.

After only a few minutes in the sun our ice cream had begun to melt, Jeno watched it until there was a golf ball sized lump in the middle and then stirred rapidly with her spoon. Perfect. 

He never liked to eat it when it was too cold, explaining that it freezes his whole mouth, and the flavour just didn't come through right. 

He grinned down at the ceramic bowl of desert, and picked up his favourite long handled spoon. 

I wondered if he’d still be doing this in fifty years down the road, probably, why change perfection?

Will we be still doing this together, eating ice cream, together, fifty years down the road?

Together was all I cared.

It was our story to tell and our lap to swim. 

End (for now)...

**Author's Note:**

> If you reached the end, thank you (so much). Did you like the story? Do leave some sweet comments and maybe a kudo? I might post Jeno's POV or continuations of this story on twitter/a03? idk maybe if this fic gets like 5 kudos lol (hopefully it will...) 
> 
> If you're interested, my twitter is @renjunssecrett


End file.
